First comes the Dark, Then comes the Light
by Nikita6
Summary: Buffy has a secret that she has worked hard to protect. What happens when it comes out? complete
1. I

Title: First comes the Dark, then comes the Light  
  
Author: Nikita  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own anything but this story.  
  
Distribution: If you want it, I'm flattered. Just let me know where it's going.  
  
Author's notes: I've been working on my other story, Not of the Dead, and this idea wouldn't go away, so I sat down and typed it up.   
  
I took some of what happened on the show but don't expect it to be by the book. I took some liberties here and there. Please take this with a grain of salt. I don't know if everything I've said could actually happen but then again, this is fiction.   
  
This is just a thought I had. It is set when Buffy went to see Angel in Sanctuary but I might drift a little now and then. :) I hope you enjoy it and I promise I'll get back to work on my other story now.  
  
'Not to go all school yard on you but you hit me first.'  
  
Angel's words echoed back to her. Did he really say that to her? Then again why was she so shocked? This was the guy who left her...all for her sake. She should be used to this by now.  
  
Buffy sighed. She wasn't though. She kept hoping that somewhere he would realize he was wrong and come back to her but he never did. All he did was move on to the next slayer. She lowered her head and a tear slipped from her lashes.   
  
"Honey, are you all right?" a lady asked her.  
  
"I'm okay, thank you." she answered politely.  
  
"Okay, I won't push, but it is a long trip to Sunnydale so if you need to talk you just start talking." the lady continued.  
  
Buffy looked at her and smiled.  
  
"My ex and I fought. It just hurts that he can still hate me."  
  
"Oh I doubt he hates you." the lady asked.  
  
Buffy shook her head and looked out the window.  
  
The lady looked at her sadly.  
  
"My name is Sandy."  
  
"Anne." Buffy replied reverting back to her middle name.   
  
In doing so though her mind went back in time to the darkness. Buffy shuddered.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry he..."  
  
"I'm used to it Sandy. He is just so dumb sometimes. This time though he was right. We are ex and I had no right coming down and trying to tell him what to do."  
  
"Why would you do that?"  
  
"It's a long story but the short is, I thought he was in danger and I came to tell him but he was getting all cozy with the danger so I told him off instead."  
  
"Men."  
  
"Yeah, especially him. I just wish..." here Buffy trailed off and sighed.  
  
The lady seemed to realize that she was done talking for now and with one last glance, turned to her book.  
  
Buffy stared out the window. She couldn't do this anymore. She hated the idea of going back to that mess her life had become. With Angel even though they were fighting, she had felt a spark of her old self and having felt that she couldn't bring herself to let it go. If she went back to Sunnydale, would she ever feel this again?  
  
She stood up and pulled the cord to stop the bus.  
  
"I need to get off, sorry." she said.  
  
Sandy smiled and let her out of the seat.  
  
"I hope you can make it work."  
  
Buffy just smiled at her and walked off the bus.  
  
She watched the bus drive off and then turned back in the direction of the depot. They hadn't gotten too far out of town and she knew her father would wire her any money she needed. She smiled for the first time since that last morning she had woken up in Angel's arms. She was getting her life back.   
  
***  
  
Angel paced his office as Wesley watched him.  
  
"Ugh, why did I say that?" he ranted.  
  
"Maybe because it was true?" Wesley offered.  
  
Angel sighed and sat down.  
  
"She just...that's just her. When she gets hurt she lashes out. The more pain she's in, the more hurtful she becomes." Angel said.  
  
"Maybe so, but she didn't have the right this time and you did what any guy would do." Wesley said standing, "Don't beat yourself up about it."  
  
Angel sighed, "Yeah, I guess."  
  
Wesley left the office.  
  
"So why do I feel like the lowest thing on this planet?" he asked the empty room.  
  
***  
  
Buffy sat on a new bus this time heading for a small town in Louisiana. A town where no one knew her or had ever heard of her. A town that no one would think of to look in. She smiled. She hadn't stopped smiling since she had first thought of actually leaving. She stretched in her seat. The bus pulled out of the L.A. station. She had written letters to the gang back home saying that this was something she needed and they would be fine without her. She knew they would be mad but she hoped they'd understand. She shrugged. If they didn't then they didn't.  
  
***  
  
Angel had dealt with the guilt for a week before he decided to go to Sunnydale and see Buffy. He hadn't told anyone, just left. He knew the gang supported him in telling off Buffy but the thing was he didn't feel right about it. He had never said anything like that to her before except as Angelus. He never wanted to again.   
  
Her eyes had widened and she had actually backed up from him. She had been afraidl...of him!!   
  
That is what was eating him up so bad. She was never supposed to fear him, never! She was only supposed to fear Angelus, the one who would kill her if given half a chance.   
  
He shook his head as he willed the black convertible to go faster. He had to make it up to her.  
  
***  
  
He arrived in Sunnydale about midnight and headed straight to Giles. He knew he'd still be awake.   
  
'Didn't expect a party though.' he thought as he noticed all the people in the house. He knocked on the door.  
  
"Yes?" Giles said opening the door. "Angel?"  
  
"Hey Giles, Buffy around?" Angel asked.  
  
"Come in. I take it you haven't heard." Giles said as he shut the door behind Angel.  
  
"Heard what? She's okay right?" he asked turning to Giles panicked.  
  
"We hope so but we don't know. I received this letter saying that she wasn't coming back yesterday." Giles said as he passed Angel the letter.  
  
Angel read it.  
  
Dear Giles,   
  
I'm sorry to do this but I have decided to leave. I don't know yet where I'm going but I know I have to. I saw Angel and he's fine. Better than me. I realize now that he really did leave me and I need to do the same. This isn't forever, just for now. I had a lot of things happen to me that I never told you about and they have resurfaced. I need to deal with the demons of my past and as great as you and the gang are, I need to do it alone. Please tell mom how sorry I am. I pray you don't worry about me but I have a fear that you will. I'm good, promise. I am going to be pulling in some contacts and they will take care of patrolling and stuff. Don't involve Angel unless it can't be helped. He doesn't need it. Giles, you've been there when no one else was and I thank you for it. Your the best and I love you.  
  
Please forgive me,  
  
Buffy  
  
Angel stared at the letter.  
  
"Do you know what she meant by any of it?" Giles asked.  
  
Angel cleared his throat.  
  
"We fought. It wasn't good. That's why she is saying don't involve me. As for the demons of the past, I don't know." Angel said as he sat down.  
  
"She goes to warn you and you jump on her. Deadboy, you're the best." Xander sneered.  
  
Angel glared at him.  
  
"That's not how it went."  
  
"What did you do to my girl?" Riley asked staring at him.  
  
Angel glared at him as an old memory surfaced.  
  
'You still my girl?  
  
Always.'  
  
"She's not 'your girl' and it's none of your business what I did to her." Angel said standing once more.  
  
Riley moved as though he were going to attack.  
  
Angel laughed mentally.  
  
"Enough! Everyone go home. We'll discuss this later once we've rested some. Angel, I need to talk to you." Giles said going to the door.  
  
Angel nodded as he sat back down. Riley glared at him as he left.   
  
"All right. You and me know this is more than a fight the two of you had. Buffy is emotional but she does not just jump town because of a fight. The last time she did this, she had been forced to kill you." Giles said as he poured a scotch and offered one to Angel.  
  
"No thanks. Are you saying she's had to kill someone?" he asked.  
  
"No, but she is probably in a similar mindset. I'm sorry to invade, but what exactly happened tonight?" Giles asked.  
  
Angel sighed.  
  
"When she came into my room I was hugging Faith. Faith had just been through a rough time and had literally beat me to within an inch of consciousness but she was Faith again. I was just hugging for support."  
  
"I understand Angel. You don't have to explain. Besides, Buffy tends to be irrational when it comes to you." Giles said with a smirk.  
  
If he could have turned red, Angel would have.  
  
"Anyways, she went on the defensive fast. She was trying to attack Faith but Faith didn't need it. She was going to let Buffy beat her senseless so I got in-between them and she hit me. I hit back."  
  
"Oh." Giles said.  
  
"She just...her face just...I never want to see that look on her face again as long as I live. We went on to argue and Wes interrupted us by saying that the council guys had come for Faith. Buffy and I left the fight to help Faith. She is always a slayer first." Angel said smiling.  
  
"Yes she is." Giles agreed proud of his slayer.  
  
"After all this went down, we wound up at the police station cause they thought I was the one behind it. Kate is this cop who has been on my case since she learned I was a vampire."  
  
"You're getting free with that information." Giles observed.  
  
"It was an accident." Angel said smirking.  
  
"Continue."  
  
"She wanted to know who Buffy was and I said she was no one important."   
  
"I don't imagine that went over well."  
  
"Well, I had just punched her in the mouth and now I was saying she was nothing. You put it together."  
  
"So then what?"  
  
"I was released because Faith turned herself in and we took the fight out into the hall. I was just tired. I had a jealous slayer on one hand and a jailed slayer on another. Then Buffy started in on how she was with someone she could actually trust now and who she knew, which is a load of crap. She trusted me! She let me drain her for crying out loud and she knew me better than anyone on the planet."  
  
Giles smiled. He was enjoying seeing Angel finally display some kind of emotion.   
  
"I knew what she was doing. She was trying to hurt me. That last comment though, I struck back and in the end told her to get of my town. That's the story. As far as I knew she hoped a bus here." Angel said.  
  
"That's what I thought had happened. Nothing unusual for a visit with the two of you."  
  
"What does that mean?" Angel asked defensively.  
  
"It means that the ever since you left the two of you cannot be in a room together without wanting to fight." Giles said smiling, "Don't even think about denying it. I know what happened after Thanksgiving."  
  
Angel lowered his head.  
  
'How can you when she doesn't?' his mind screamed.  
  
"So now what?" Angel asked.  
  
"Now we try and get into her head. She was upset and no doubt in the height of all this, convinced herself that you no longer cared about her."  
  
"That's crazy."  
  
"To us, but you have to remember that in her head, you left her. You no longer love her."  
  
"I told her though before I left..."  
  
"We are talking about Buffy right?" Giles said looking through his old journals.  
  
Angel smiled, "True. What are you doing with those?"  
  
"I remembered something. I said she hadn't done this since that summer."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, I remember thinking she looked and acted different when she came back. I wrote it off I guess because I wanted to believe that she was the same but when you stop and think about it...she should have come back different. Can you think of anything you noticed as being odd but later wrote off?" he asked Angel.  
  
"Just normal activity when you consider what she'd been through." Angel answered.  
  
"What normal activity? Tell me and let's see if it really was normal."  
  
"Okay. Once I was back in my own mind after coming back, she seemed to stay just out of reach mentally. She used to tell me everything. Now, I always felt like there was something she wasn't telling me but wanted to. I asked her about it once and she got this look...I can't explain it. Anway, she would just say that it was nothing and laugh it off."  
  
"She did the same with me. I needed to know about her at the mansion and the time in L.A. She wouldn't talk about L.A. at all. Not a word. She told about what happenedbetween her and Angelus and that she had then hopped a bus to L.A."  
  
"What happened in L.A.?" Angel asked.  
  
"I think that is the missing piece." Giles said looking at him.  
  
"That's my area, I'll check it out." Angel said standing.  
  
"All right. Let me know anything you find out. I'll keep searching on this end." Giles said walking Angel to the door.  
  
"What if she really doesn't want to be found?" Angel asked.  
  
"Oh I'm sure she doesn't want to be found. She just doesn't have a choice. She is hurting or else she wouldn't have gone." Giles said smiling slightly.  
  
"You're right. Okay, I'll be in touch." Angel said. 


	2. II

Title: First comes the Dark, Then comes the Light  
  
Author: Nikita  
  
Buffy looked around the area she had gotten off at. It really was a little town.  
  
'I thought Sunnydale was small.'   
  
She walked towards the motel sign.  
  
***  
  
"Can I help you miss?" a lady asked.  
  
"Yes. I need a room please."  
  
"Sure thing. That'll be forty for the night."  
  
"Here you go, thanks." Buffy said picking up the key.  
  
She found her room and laid down on the bed.  
  
"Travel a few days, sleep a few nights." she whispered as her eyes closed.   
  
The nightmares soon came.   
  
She saw images that she thought she had buried long ago and woke screaming.  
  
"It's just a dream, just a dream. Can't hurt me." she said to herself as she rocked on the bed.  
  
She looked out the window at the moon in the distance. She could still hear the screams and see the blood. When would she be able to put this in the past and leave it there? she wondered for the hundreth time.  
  
***  
  
Angel arrived back in L.A. and went straight to work. It wasn't going to be easy retracing Buffy's steps from a few years ago but he was going to. He had called the gang on the way back in and they were working on searching for any records of Buffy having been in L.A. He was going to the bus station.   
  
"Hi sir, can I help you?"   
  
"Yes, I'm looking for this girl." Angel asked answered showing the clerk a picture of Buffy.  
  
"I'm sorry. Haven't seen her today." the clerk answered.  
  
"Do you recognize her at all? I am also interested in a trip she would have made about two years ago."  
  
"I'm sorry. I've only been here for three months." the clerk said.  
  
"Is there anyway to find out?" Angel asked.  
  
"Let me call my manager."  
  
A few minutes later a guy in a gray suit came up to Angel.  
  
"You are wanting to know about a passenger?" he asked.  
  
"Yes. I'm looking for this girl, but I also want to know if there is anyway to see her record of her trip two years ago."  
  
"May I ask why?"  
  
"I am a private investigator and I am trying to locate this girl for the family. They said she's done this before and I'm hoping that she will use a similar pattern." he said.  
  
'Just like I hope you are buying this.' he thought as he watched the manger think about it.  
  
"Well, it is an odd request but if it helps bring her home, the records are kept on the second floor and are arranged by year. I'll call ahead and tell the guard you are coming." the manager said.  
  
"Thank you sir."  
  
"I just wish I could be a bigger help. Let me know if you find her will you?"   
  
"Sure thing." Angel said heading for the elevator.  
  
***  
  
Four hours later Angel finally found the box for the time period he was looking for. As he searched the box he came across an empty folder.  
  
'That's weird.' he thought.  
  
A further search turned up that the empty folder would have held the information he was looking for.  
  
Had someone already been here looking for Buffy?  
  
***  
  
"Hey man. Bad news." Gunn told Angel as he walked into the Hyperion.  
  
"Nothing?"  
  
"Not a trace. It's like she was never here." Gunn said.  
  
"You do any better?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"Nope. I went to the bus station and the manager let me look at the files but the one I needed was gone."  
  
"Well I might have something." Wesley said walking in the door.  
  
"What?" Angel asked.  
  
"I searched the hospital records but there was nothing on a Buffy Summers. Thinking that maybe she had used a different name I went to County General. As luck would have it I found a nurse who remembered a girl being brought in during the time frame you gave me and how she had been in critical condition. She said she couldn't remember exactly what was wrong but that the girl had lost an 'enormous amount of blood.' Her words not mine."  
  
"Were you able to see her record?" Angel asked.  
  
"That's the odd part. I lied and said I was her brother and I needed to know what had happened for medical reasons. She went to pull up her chart according to the date and there was nothing there. A few patients with minor injuries but nothing to the level that the nurse was talking about. The nurse was stunned to say the least and couldn't understand why there wouldn't be a record of some kind. They keep their files for years for just such occasions."  
  
"Just like at the bus. The records for that one time period are gone. What happened?" Angel asked.  
  
"It's like someone wanted to erase any trace of her ever being here." Cordelia said.  
  
"Yeah, but they are sure good at it. I wouldn't have thought of the bus station." Gunn said in awe.  
  
Angel went to the phone.  
  
"Who are you calling?" Gunn asked.  
  
"Giles. I don't have much but maybe he has something." Angel said.  
  
***  
  
"Good morning honey. Are you okay?" the lady from the night before asked Buffy as she went into the office.  
  
"I'm good. Why?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I heard you screaming last night." she said fixing Buffy with a knowing gaze.  
  
"I'm sorry. I...don't sleep so well." she told the lady.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" the lady asked.  
  
"No. I'll be fine. I've dealt with this before, just takes time." Buffy said smiling.  
  
"Well, my name is Ginger if you think of anything." the lady said smiling back.  
  
"I'm Anne."  
  
"Well Anne, nice to meet you. Do you have any plans?"  
  
"Not really. I sort of just left. I guess I need a job and a place to stay." she said smiling.  
  
"Well, I could use a helper around here and you could take one of the rooms for as long as you work here, no charge."  
  
"Thank you." Buffy said in awe.  
  
"Hey, I know what it is like to try and start over. You need all the help you can get." Ginger said wrapping her arm around Buffy's shoulders.  
  
"That I do." Buffy said returning the embrace as they walked out into the sunshine.  
  
Maybe here she could finally start to heal. Maybe here, she could finally let go of the past.  
  
***  
  
Angel and Giles had been calling back and forth for a week now and they were still no closer to finding Buffy then they had been. Angel learned from Giles that Buffy had told Willow about a girl she had helped while here in L.A.   
  
"Willow says it was the only thing Buffy ever said about L.A. and only that she had been surprised because she knew her. The girl was one of the people worshipping vampires that Spike tried to kill back when Ford had come to town."  
  
"Oh yeah. I remember her. She's in L.A.?"  
  
"Well, she was at the time. I don't know where though."  
  
"If she's here, we'll find her." Angel said hanging up.  
  
"Okay guys, new task." Angel said as he relayed the conversation to them.  
  
"I'll get my crew on it." Gunn said leaving.  
  
"I'll search the net." Cordelia said.  
  
"I'm hitting the streets." Angel said.  
  
"I think I'll head back to the nurse. See if her memory has returned at all." Wesley said.  
  
Angel nodded and they left. 


	3. III

Title: First comes the Dark, Then comes the Light  
  
Author: Nikita  
  
Wesley walked onto the floor where he had met Rose and looked around. Rose spotted him and went over to him.  
  
"You came back! Oh I'm so glad. After you left I just couldn't stop thinking about it and the more I thought, the more I remembered. I didn't have your number though so I didn't know how to reach you." she said smiling.  
  
"You remember why Buffy was admitted?"  
  
"Maybe. See the girl who came in that night...her name was Anne."  
  
"Of course. That's her middle name. I don't know why I didn't think of that." Wesley said shaking his head.  
  
"So it is the right girl?"  
  
"Yes. She would have used her middle name. I just didn't think."  
  
"Oh good. Well, I remember why I don't know what happened. Because I was set to go home as she was coming in. While I can't tell you much, here's what I know. That night, the girl came into the e.r. screaming for help. She was scared. You knew it at first glance. We rushed her to a room and called for a doctor. She had been there only a few moments, or at least that's how it felt, when she started bleeding. She really lost it then. She just started begging us to help her. At one point she grabbed my hand and looked me right in the eye and said, 'Please don't let this happen.' then she was taken to surgery." Rose took a breath and Wesley forced himself to breathe.  
  
They had walked down to the waiting area of the floor and claimed the two chairs in the farthest corner.  
  
"I had no idea." Wesley said.  
  
"I felt so bad. I see this so much but something about her, I tried to wait for her to get out of surgery but I needed to go home and sleep. When I came on the next day she was the first patient I thought of. When I got to her floor though, the place was in an uproar. She had taken off sometime during the afternoon. Her records were gone too. I remember cause I wanted to know what was wrong with her and couldn't find out."  
  
"Were her medical bills ever paid?"  
  
"Yes actually. I checked with billing the other day after I remembered her story. I have a friend down there. She told me that a money order had arrived a month later that cleared the bills. Get this though. When we went to pull it up, there was no such file." Rose said.  
  
"Why would her files not be here?" Wesley asked.  
  
"I don't know. I've never seen anything like it. Your sister isn't CIA is she?" Rose asked   
  
"Not at all." Wesley smiled.  
  
"I'm sorry I can't tell you more but that's all I know. I've asked around and it looks like I'm the last nurse here who was here that night. Us nurses, we move around a lot." Rose said as she stood.  
  
"Well thank you for this. You've been very helpful." Wesley said shaking her hand.  
  
"Listen, when you talk to her next, will you ask her to come see me? I'd love to know that she is in fact okay."  
  
"I will do that. Thanks again Rose."   
  
***  
  
"Well, nothing." Angel said frustrated.   
  
They had been searching for three days now. Buffy had been gone for almost a month now.  
  
"Same here." Cordelia said, sighing.  
  
"Look alive people. I found your girl." Gunn said walking in the door.  
  
"Who?" Angel said jumping up from his seat.  
  
"Guys, meet Anne." Gunn said bringing the girl in.  
  
"I know you." Angel said.  
  
"Yes, but under a different name. I'm Anne now." Anne said smiling.  
  
"Where did you get the name?" Angel asked smiling back.  
  
"While I was staying with Gunn's friend. See, her name was Anne and she was just so strong. If I had been through what she went through...I wouldn't be here." Anne said, a sadness touching her tone.  
  
"Are you talking about Buffy?" Angel asked offering Anne a seat.  
  
"Yes. That was her name. I knew I had known her under a different name. She was the one who saved me from those vampires and that jerk Ford." she said as she sat down.  
  
"How did you meet Buffy here?" Angel asked.  
  
"Me and my boyfriend went into the diner where she worked. It was a chance meeting. She tried telling me I was wrong but you don't forget a person who saves your life. One day, my boyfriend disappeared and I went to her for help." here Anne stopped and giggled.  
  
"You would have thought I was asking her to do the hardest thing in the world she fought me so hard. She said all she was good at was killing boyfriends, not finding and helping them. I took it to mean that she had a rough breakup and was still bitter about it."   
  
Angel grimaced.  
  
'Yeah, rough about covers it.' he thought.  
  
"Anyways, she found my guy. He was dead. That's a different story though. In the time we spent searching for him, she and I had become friends. I moved in and became her roommate. It was cool." Anne said becoming lost in the memories.  
  
"So what happened?" Gunn asked wrapped up in the story.  
  
Anne's face darkened.  
  
"She went through something no girl should ever have to go through. It changed her. I lost my smiling, full of life friend. She fell into a deep depression and stayed there for a while. Just about the time I'm getting ready to panic, she comes out of it. Says she ought to go home. So she left me the apartment and said I could use her name."  
  
"Anne, what happened? What did she go through?" Angel asked.  
  
"I'm sorry. I swore I would never tell anyone. I won't break my promise." Anne said quietly.  
  
Angel stared at her as though he expected her head to explode.  
  
"I'm sorry. It really is her choice who to tell though." Anne rushed to explain.  
  
"We understand. It's just, she has gone away again and no one knows why. She seemed so happy." Gunn said.  
  
Anne's eyes teared up.  
  
"Again? She told me she was through running." Anne said.  
  
"When was the last time you talked to her.  
  
"We've stayed in touch through the years. The last time we talked she said that she had found a new guy. Which to tell you the truth stunned me. See, the whole reason she had left in the first place was because the guy she had loved had left her."  
  
"Left her?" Gunn asked.  
  
"How much of her story do you know?" Anne asked.  
  
"We know she is the slayer." Cordelia said realizing what Anne was really asking.  
  
"Okay. She had to kill her boyfriend because his blood was the only thing that could close the gate to hell back. She didn't sleep the first month I knew her. When she finally had to, she would only sleep for a few moments before the screaming would start. She never told me details, it was to painful. All I know is she killed him by sticking a sword through his heart." Anne said, a tear escaping her eye.  
  
"That's detail." Gunn said.  
  
"That I got from her nightmares. She would beg for his forgiveness in the dream for doing that." Anne said.  
  
Cordelia looked at Angel. He was even paler then normal.  
  
"Would you excuse us please?" Cordelia said as she pulled Angel into the kitchen.  
  
***  
  
"Are you okay?" Cordelia asked  
  
"I never knew..." he said as he shakily sat down.  
  
"I didn't either. When she got back home, they all attacked her too."  
  
"Attacked?"  
  
"Well, in their mind she had abandoned them. A lot of mean things were said. I can't believe she didn't go off on them."  
  
"I can. Look how hard she has tried to cover her tracks."  
  
"You think she's the one who took all the records?"  
  
"It's the only logical thought. You saw how Anne clamed up. I need to know what happened. Anything that made Buffy react like this is important. What if I sparked a memory or did something that brought her back to this moment? Giles told me it had to be something that put her in the mindset she was in at that time." Angel said as he lowered his head.  
  
"We'll get to the bottom of this. I promise." Cordelia said.  
  
"Angel?" Wesley called from the lobby. 


	4. IV

Title: First comes the Dark, Then comes the Light  
  
Author: Nikita  
  
"Wes? What's up?" Gunn asked.  
  
"I still don't know where she is, but I spoke with the nurse again and this time she had remembered Buffy." Wesley said.  
  
"Really? What did she say?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"She couldn't tell what Buffy's complaint was because she didn't know. What she did know was that Buffy had come into the e.r. screaming for help. They rushed her into a room and the next thing the nurse knows, she was being taken into surgery. The next evening when she came on again, Buffy was gone. She had left earlier in the day without being released, taking her records with her. Her bills were later paid in full, but there is no record of that either." Wesley said.  
  
Angel looked at Anne.  
  
"Why is she destroying her records?" he asked.  
  
"She didn't want anyone to know. We destroyed every trace of her we could think of." Anne said.  
  
"Why? What happened that was so horrible that it warranted destroying records?" Angel asked.  
  
"I can't tell you that." Anne said remorsefully.  
  
"You were telling about the last time you talked to her?" Angel said realizing she wouldn't tell him no matter what.  
  
"Right. So anyways, I thought she'd have a happy ending. See, four months after she had gone home I got an excited phone call from her. He was back, somehow, and they were going to try and work things out. She was so happy, I just..." Anne blushed slightly. "I actually cried. I was just so happy to hear her sounding like her old self."  
  
The room grew quiet as Anne gathered herself together.  
  
"She was so hopeful. The next thing I know the guy has left her. I wish I knew who he was, I'd kill him." Anne took a breath. "Though I guess it isn't his fault. I doubt he knows what happened here either. Buffy is just so protective of that. He said he was leaving her for all these reasons. He's crazy. She'll never have those things as long as she lives anyway. At least they could have been happy together. He really left though. I told her she needed to talk to him, really talk to him and she refused. Said she wouldn't guilt trip him into staying if he had his heart set on going. She's a better woman than me, let me tell you. I'd have guilt tripped. Boy would I have guilt tripped." Anne said shaking her head.  
  
If Angel had looked pale before, he resembled a ghost now.   
  
"Then I got a call saying that she had found a new guy. `He wasn't what I had before but he's something. He seems to care about me.' I nearly cried again. She seemed okay though. She stopped by a little over a month ago. Said she was here visiting her dad and stopped by to see me. I have a job as a counselor to other lost kids and she wanted to see how it was going." Anne said smiling.  
  
"Anne, do you have any idea where she is now?" Angel asked.  
  
"No I don't." Anne thought for a moment. "Is she in trouble?"   
  
"No, we're just worried. She just left with no word or warning. I just want to make sure she is really okay." Angel said.  
  
Anne thought some more than took a breath.  
  
"She'll be here in a week." she said quietly.  
  
"How do you know?" Angel asked growing hopeful.  
  
"Because nothing but death could keep her away." Anne said standing.  
  
"Thank you." Angel said.  
  
Anne nodded.  
  
"She has been my best friend and even when she was going through her hell, she still looked out for me. I just wish she could finally be happy. She deserves it." she said as she left the hotel.  
  
"Wow." Gunn said.  
  
"All the secrecy though. Why is she hiding?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"What is she hiding?" Gunn asked.  
  
"It's bad Angel, whatever it is. Rose said she remembered how scared the girl was. She had lost a lot of blood and then at one point grabbed Rose's arm and begged her `not to let this happen' as she put it." Wesley said.  
  
"I'm starting to get this horrible feeling." Angel said.  
  
"Think I'm getting it to." Cordelia said shaking her head.  
  
"What do you mean?" Gunn questioned.  
  
"Well, the trip to the hospital, the loss of blood, Buffy begging the nurse not to let it happen? Not to mention the way Anne said no girl should have to go through it? Guys, I think she was raped." Cordelia said.  
  
The gang just sat there stunned.  
  
"Can't be it." Angel said shaking his head.  
  
"I know it's not a pretty thought..."Gunn started.  
  
"No, I mean that can't be it. She didn't act like a rape victim. She still let me hold her and she never flinched from me at all. Xander either for that matter. Had she been raped, she would have exhibited some sort of sign. Not to mention, she wouldn't be asking the urse not to let it happen. It owuld have already happened." Angel said as he began pacing.  
  
"So then what?" Cordelia asked. "What shouldn't any girl go through?"  
  
"Go another route. Anne said Buffy mentioned the reasons I was leaving and that it was stupid. Which reason struck her as being stupid?" Angel asked.  
  
"What were the reasons?" Gunn asked.  
  
"I wanted her to have a normal life. I told her she'd want kids and want to get married. She needed someone who could take her out into the light." Angel said quietly.  
  
"Sounds like rape man." Gunn said.  
  
Angel shook his head.  
  
He replayed the conversation. He went over her reactions and what was said.  
  
"I'm missing it." he growled.  
  
The gang just watched him as he tried to piece the puzzle together.  
  
***  
  
It had been a little over a month since Buffy had come to this Snakecreek. She was so grateful the town didn't live up to it's name. The nightmares stopped after a couple of weeks and her and Ginger had become fast friends. She felt truly free. She missed the gang though. She would be going to L.A. in a few days, she might stop and see them.   
  
L.A. That darkened her mood. She thought about not going this time and then just as quickly, banished the thought. She would go no matter what. She had too. She sighed as she unlocked her door. She flung herself on the bed. She just hoped she could go and get back without a big scene. Was that to much to hope for?  
  
***  
  
Angel had shelved the investigation, trusting that Anne had told the truth about Buffy coming back to L.A.,though he continued to try and figure out what it was that he was missing. His senses were on overdrive as he waited for the tingle that said she was near. Sure enough, a few days later...it went off.  
  
***  
  
Buffy arrived in L.A. in the evening. She hesitated for a moment before stepping outside of the station. She began walking.  
  
&&&  
  
"Yeah Lily, we have easy mac!" she called out to her roommate.  
  
"Cool. Let's eat that tonight. Easy, no fuss." Lilly called back.  
  
"All right." Buffy called back as she began preparing their dinner.  
  
She hummed as she moved around the kitchen. Suddenly her hand flew to her stomach as she doubled over in pain.  
  
&&&  
  
She wore black pants with a black tank top. She wore a black jacket over that and her hair was covered by a black scarf. She supposed by now she could start wearing color but she could never bring herself to do so. In her mind, she was still in a black mood so why not wear it? Not like anyone would know anyway. She sighed as she entered the cemetery. She hated this.   
  
&&&  
  
Buffy sat there in the hospital stunned. She felt as though all the air in her body had just been knocked out of her. The doctor had just come in to tell her what had happened. How could it be true?  
  
&&&  
  
She headed to the center.  
  
***  
  
Unbeknown to Buffy, Angel had found her and begun to follow her. He was surprised she ended up at the cemetery, even more surprised when she went in. He followed her in a sense of dread settling in his stomach.  
  
***  
  
She stopped at a grave that had an angel as a tombstone. The angel was made of black marble and stood with its hands over its heart and it wings folded. It looked down at the ground as though watching over what lay beneath the dirt. Buffy stopped and caught her breath.  
  
"Hi sweetie. Mommy's back." she whispered laying the roses on the ground next to the angel's base.  
  
***  
  
Angel nearly fainted on the spot. He had thought of this possibility but had prayed he was wrong. Now with the truth staring him in the face, he was thankful he didn't have to breathe.  
  
***  
  
Buffy knelt down on the ground.   
  
"I miss you. So much." she sighed. "I left Sunnydale. Just for awhile. I needed time to think. After I lost you I jumped right back into my life so fast that I never stopped to realize I'm not that girl anymore. Then your dad leaving me for...more kids...idiot. I just shut down again. Funny, it took seeing him move on before I could. I guess, I thought maybe if I could get us back to what we once were maybe I could get you back too. I know it sounds dumb but hey, can you blame me? I won't get to hold you ever. I don't get to see you grow up." Buffy stopped as she struggled to get a hold of her emotions.  
  
***   
  
Angel wasn't doing much better. Buffy was a mother? He was the father? How? As far as he knew he couldn't have kids.   
  
To say he was shocked would be an understatement. He couldn't believe she had gone through this and he never knew. Had no clue at all.  
  
***  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't do right Angie. I wish I could redo that time but honestly I don't know what it is I did wrong. I read all the books, I took the vitamins and the supplements." she sighed. "I'm sorry sweetie, once again this has turned into a crying fest. I miss you, I wish you were here with me. You are always in my heart. Don't forget that." she said as she stood. Turning from the grave she nearly screamed. Angel was standing right there watching her. 


	5. V

Title: First comes the Dark, Then comes the Light  
  
Author: Nikita  
  
Angel watched as her eyes darted from side to side.  
  
"Oh no. Not this time. You don't get to run this time." he said, his voice barely working.   
  
Buffy's shoulders sagged.  
  
"I guess I owe you that. Just not here." Buffy said.  
  
"Fine. Where?" he asked.  
  
***  
  
Buffy had led them to a park a few blocks from the cemetery. She waited for Angel to speak as they sat on a bench overlooking a small pond.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked finally.  
  
"What was I supposed to say? Hi Angel I'm glad your back from where I sent you oh by the way, I killed our baby while you were gone?" she asked emotionless.  
  
"What do you mean, you killed our baby?" then he shook his head. "On second thought, start at the beginning. How did this happen?"  
  
"I don't know. I thought vampires couldn't have kids."  
  
"I thought so too." Angel said quietly.  
  
"Well, you did. Two months after Angelus came on the scene I learned I was pregnant. I had been sick and like any girl who starts having sex, that was the first thought in my head. Then I discarded that because you were a vampire. It wasn't possible. The symptoms stayed though and finally, I went to the free clinic just to ease my mind. At least that's what I told myself. The results came back positive. I was pregnant. I panicked. I knew if Angelus ever learned about it, he'd kill me and the baby. I couldn't let that happen. Turns out I worried for nothing though. A few weeks after I learned that I was indeed pregnant Angelus tried to suck the world into hell. You know how that ended."   
  
"Yeah, but why did you leave? I always wondered but now knowing you were pregnant...why?" Angel asked puzzled.  
  
"Before I left for that fight, mom and I fought and she said if I left to save the world I couldn't come home. I knew that if the gang found out they would push me to abort and that was not an option. I just got on the bus and went to the last place I had called home." Buffy smiled.  
  
"I was so goofy. I decided to be upbeat about everything. Okay so I was a single seventeen year old mother. It had been done before. I checked out all the books that detailed what to expect and what I should do for a healthy baby and I cut out slaying right away. Then I met up with Lily. I tracked down her boyfriend but he was already dead. I had to go into this hell dimension to get Lily back but it all turned out okay."  
  
"You were in a hell dimension?" Angel asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And you went pregnant?"  
  
"What was I supposed to do? Let Lily die? Too many people had died because of me already." she said standing.  
  
"No. Sit down. For once we are going to finish a conversation." Angel said grabbing her arm.  
  
Buffy sat down.  
  
"Go on." Angel prompted.  
  
Buffy glared at him.  
  
"I was only two months at the time, I wasn't even showing yet. Anyways, Lily moved in with me and we got to preparing for a baby in the house." Buffy smiled.  
  
"I thought I would just fly away I was so far on cloud nine. Sure I was still worried but I just didn't let myself get wrapped up in that." her face darkened.  
  
"Then it happened. I was cooking dinner for me and Lily one night when this pain just shot through me. I doubled over and screamed for Lily. She came running in and said I needed to get to the hospital. We were only a block away so I just went on foot. It was faster than waiting for an ambulance. I went in the e.r. and screamed for someone to help me." Buffy closed her eyes.  
  
Angel gathered her in his arms. She started trembling.  
  
"I tried not to. I begged them not to let it happen." Buffy whispered.  
  
"It did though. The doctor later told me that I had lost so much blood they had needed to do several transfusions and in the end I lost our baby." she started crying.  
  
Angel just held her tighter.   
  
"Baby, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you ever tell me? Why did you keep this to yourself?" he asked her.  
  
"I couldn't stand the idea of you hating me." she whispered.  
  
"Why would you think that? I'd never hate you."  
  
"I lost our baby."  
  
"It wasn't you fault."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"What did the doctor say?"  
  
"He said he didn't know what the cause was but he was going with that my body just couldn't take the strain. I lost her when she was four months."  
  
"See, it wasn't you fault. It was just to much of a strain." he told her.  
  
"Really?" she asked him.  
  
"Buffy, you really thought it was your fault?" he asked pulling back to look in her eyes.  
  
"Yes. I was carrying her. How else would she have died unless I did it?" she asked.  
  
"No. I can't believe you kept this to yourself." Angel said as he held her.  
  
"Is there anything else I should know?" he asked gently.  
  
"I can never have kids." Buffy whispered.  
  
"I'm sorry." he whispered.  
  
"The doctor says I'm really lucky I survived. It was a hard pregnancy, not that you would ever catch me complaining. It was an even rougher miscarriage. The result is no more kids for Buffy."  
  
Angel swallowed.  
  
"That's what she meant." he observed to himself.  
  
"What who meant?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I talked to Anne. She wouldn't say what had happened. Just that the guy who left was stupid. He was leaving her for something she'd never have anyway." he told her.  
  
Buffy smiled.  
  
"Anne is a good friend. Look, I never said anything because quite frankly there was no reason for you to know. I thought you already had enough to be sad about why add the loss of a child you never even knew about to it?" she told him.  
  
"Why did you destroy all the records?" he asked.  
  
She smiled.  
  
"I'm still the slayer. I couldn't take the chance that someday this would come out and a vampire would try to find out the details and in so doing would find my baby's grave. I couldn't bear that." she said.  
  
Angel nodded slowly.  
  
"Makes sense."  
  
"So, want to tell me how you got into this? I thought we had said everything there was to say?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I went to Sunnydale to talk to you. I couldn't leave things like that. I... you had this look on your face when I hit you and I...it haunts my dreams."  
  
"What look?" she asked.  
  
"That look that said you thought I was a greater threat than Angelus had ever dreamed of being."  
  
"That's just silly." she said as turned to look at him.  
  
"You shocked me. You had never just hit me like that. You were right though. I did hit first. You were also right about us. I had no right to go in and make judgements on your life when I'm not a part of it anymore. I just...you know me. I get hurt, I hurt back." she said.  
  
"Yeah I know. I knew it when I went off on you I just couldn't take the idea of you with some other guy. Not to mention, you lied." he said.  
  
"About what?" she asked sensing he was gearing up for another fight.  
  
"You said you had something new with what's his name because you knew him and could trust him. Well, what was I?"  
  
"You've lost me. What do you mean what were you?" she asked confused.  
  
"You knew me. You knew me better than anyone on this planet. Even Darla didn't know as much as you do. You trust me too. Otherwise, why did you offer your neck that night?" he asked triumphantly.  
  
She smiled and shook her head.  
  
"Angel I know I know you. You know me, why do you think we fight as bad as we do? Cause we know what is motivating the other. As to trust...neck offering aside, how many times have I fallen asleep in your arms?" she asked.  
  
He just looked at her confused.  
  
"I'm a slayer, as everyone is so busy reminding us, and you are a vampire. Not just a vampire but a master. The mere fact that I close my eyes around you is a testament to how much I trust you." she said.  
  
He looked at her for a moment.  
  
"Why then?"  
  
"I told you, you hurt me. I wanted to hurt you." she said looking down.  
  
Angel raised her chin with his thumb and index finger.  
  
"What am I going to do with you?" he whispered as his lips descended onto hers.  
  
Angel kissed her with all the passion that was in him. Buffy kissed him with an equal amount, both reveling in the feeling that they were finally back where they belonged.  
  
***  
  
After they broke from the kiss, they had just sat there holding one another.   
  
"What was her name?" Angel asked.  
  
"Angelica Rei O'Connor." she answered smiling.  
  
"O'Connor?" Angel asked wondering how she knew his last name.  
  
"I read the watcher's diaries. It was in there somewhere." she said as she snuggled further into his embrace.  
  
"It's a pretty name. With you as a mother, she would have been gorgeous." he said quietly as he tightened his arms around her.  
  
"Thank you." she said.  
  
"You still my girl?" he asked.  
  
Buffy grinned as she raised her head to look into his eyes.  
  
"Always." she told him as they kissed. 


	6. Epilogue

Title: First comes the Dark, Then comes the Light  
  
Author: Nikita  
  
In the following days, Angel and Buffy journeyed back to Snakecreek to tell Ginger goodbye and gather Buffy's things.   
  
The gang was told what had happened and everyone cried and wondered how they had missed it.   
  
"I didn't want you to know." was all Buffy said.  
  
Anne and Buffy had a great reunion and Buffy had thanked her for keeping her secret.   
  
Buffy visited with Rose and told her that finally, she was okay.  
  
It was decided that Buffy would stay with Angel after Willow had found a way to bind his soul for good.  
  
They always were there at their daughter's grave on the day, as it came to be known.  
  
As for the couple themselves...Buffy dumped Riley. Riley would have fought harder but Angel growling at him probably convinced him to do otherwise. They would still fight but these days, it was fun based. The gang always knew when to take cover because they would first hear Buffy squeal and then came Angel's growl. A few minutes later, without fail, Buffy would come running down the stairs with Angel hot on her heels until he caught her at which point they would fall on the floor as they tickled each other, laughing the entire time. Life was certainly never boring.  
  
At night, the slayer would curl up in the arms of her vampire and sleep peacefully.  
  
Buffy and Angel had truly came full circle and were happier than either had dreamed they could possibly be.  
  
Was there anything better?  
  
They didn't think so 


End file.
